I'm cool

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My microwave made a noise I’ve never heard before.
I think it leveled up.

I swear my toaster is learning.
It burned my bread in the exact shape of a middle finger.

My neighbour just asked if I “believe in the moon.”
I don’t know how to respond.

I tried to fix my PC by “asserting dominance” over it.
It blue‑screened harder.

Anon, why does my cat stare at me like he’s waiting for me to confess something I didn’t do.

be me
open fridge
only thing inside is a single onion
feel judged by onion

I'm Gay

My chair squeaks in Morse code.
I think it’s insulting me

open YouTube
recommended: “How to survive a bear attack indoors”
why indoors

My keyboard double‑types the letter “e”.
eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
I’m suffering.

be me
buy plant
plant dies
skill issue

My microwave beeped twice.
Then once.
Then twice again.
It’s communicating

try cooking
smoke alarm activates
chef moment

My phone autocorrect changed “hello” to “help”.
not reassuring